


Broken

by Dearly_Divided



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Angst, Dark, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Soft-ish John, Someone please hug the dep, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, and John's there to comfort her, happy-ish ending, self destructive tendencies, the Dep's struggling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 23:33:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18670633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dearly_Divided/pseuds/Dearly_Divided
Summary: Rook’s hands clenched so tightly against her forearms that she was sure her nails had broken the skin.“Please John, not today,” she muttered from between her knees.Or: The Deputy has a really bad day and John finds her





	Broken

_Kid, hey kid you there?_

_Dep? It’s Eli, I need you down at the Wolf’s Den asap._

_Deputy, it’s Pastor Jerome. I need your help._

_Kid, come in, where the fuck are you?_

_Dep, we need your help, people are suffering up here!_

_Hey Dep, when you got a minute can you stop by? Got a job for you._

_Deputy, you there? The Peggies are causing trouble again, could really use your help._

_Come in Dep, we’ve just had reports – Peggies are trying to take back an outpost._

The radio just wouldn’t shut up. She’d lost count of the number of calls that had come in during the 45 minutes she’d been sitting alone in the field, her gun laying on the grass beside her, just within reach. 

She hadn’t answered a single one. 

It was never ending. Someone always needed help, someone always needed saving. No matter how many people she rescued, someone always wanted _something_ from her. Rook had nothing left to give.

Why had all of it fallen to her? Why did she have to be the one to single-handedly unfuck Hope County?

Burke had ordered her to arrest Joseph Seed, even though she was literally the least experienced law enforcement officer present. Lord only knew what possessed him to think that was a good idea. Rook had since decided that it was his fault the Seeds had such a fucking obsession with her, hunting her down every moment she wandered into their territory. But it wasn’t just Burke either. Dutch, Eli, Pastor Jerome, her friends, random fucking citizens, all of them had shoe-horned her into this role of their saviour and Rook had no fucking idea how she was supposed to do any of it. Most of them didn’t even know her first name, and they didn’t bother to ask. 

She’d fight until her body was broken and bleeding, and they’d just throw some bandages at her and push her into the next firefight. There wasn’t a single part of her body that didn’t ache. But it was fine, right? She was the Deputy, she was an absolute machine! 

Five months ago she’d never fired a gun, much less killed a person. She’d come here to get away from violence and death, and yet everyone seemed to expect her to be a one-woman army. 

And that was fine. Rook knew they were scared, terrified really. It wasn’t their fault. She’d signed up to be a Deputy, she just hadn’t quite thought that taking down a murderous doomsday cult would be part of that, or that she’d be doing it without backup.

And it was hell, because Rook didn’t have a damned clue what she was supposed to be doing. Staci and Joey were still trapped, being put through god only knows what kind of fucked up shit, and yeah, she should probably try and help Burke too, even though that fucker left her to die _twice_. She’d save one person, only for another to die in their place and it wasn’t fucking fair that it all fell to her.

She’d been at it for weeks, and what did she have to show for it? Fucking nothing. 

Rook couldn’t take her eyes off the dead girl in front of her. She’d tried so damn hard to get there in time, nailing three peggies in the chest with her rifle before they’d even seen her, but instead of running away and hiding the girl had tried to be brave and take down one of them herself. Rook hadn’t been quick enough to stop the knife that had cut into her like butter. She’d bled out a while ago, and there was nothing Rook could do to stop it. 

How was she supposed to take down a cult when she couldn’t even save one person? Every time she made a mistake, every hesitation, every time she reacted a moment too slow, people died. Rook had lost count of how many innocent lives she’d failed to save. 

The moment she’d died, crying wordlessly in Rook’s arms as she tried uselessly to comfort her, Rook hadn’t seen her face, it’d been her sister’s. Rook hadn’t been able to save her, either. Wasn’t that why she’d run to Hope County? 

It wasn’t fair.

Rook was so fucking tired.

She knew that sitting alone in that field surrounded by a bunch of dead bodies wasn’t the brightest or most productive thing to do, especially when she was number one on the Seeds kill list, but for the life of her Rook could not summon the willpower to move.

Rook couldn’t even manage to care. 

What was the point? She couldn’t win, not like this. She was just _one_ person against an army of thousands.

She knew eventually someone would find her. Probably peggies, her friends didn’t exactly enjoy freely roaming the valley anymore and Eli and his militia barely came down from the mountains.

Would it be so awful to let them finish the job they’d been trying to do for the past few months? Would her death even make a difference? Maybe it would a kindness, like going to sleep after a long, difficult day.

Would Elizabeth be there waiting for her? She hoped so.

Then again, Rook wasn’t sure she was going to the same place her sister did. 

God she was so fucking tired.

She sat and cried with her head between her knees and her arms wrapped around her legs, ignoring the constant stream of chatter from her radio. It could have been hours or minutes that passed before she heard footsteps approaching. She didn’t even bother raising her head, she just prayed it would be quick and painless. Didn’t she deserve that much, at least?

“You know, Deputy, I couldn’t quite believe my luck when I got the report that my chosen managed to find you, all alone, out in the open, I had to come see for myself. But here you are, and I must say I’m surprised. After the trail of destruction you’ve caused I thought you’d at least put up a bit more of a fight. I had you pegged for wrath, my dear, not sloth.”

Of course it would be him, of course today would be the day he decided to leave his stupid torture bunker to come and taunt her some more. Whoever was in charge upstairs certainly had a twisted sense of humour.

If John noticed her current state he didn’t let on, continuing in that charming, devilish voice of his as he walked towards her. “Or are you finally ready to accept that I am trying to _save_ you. Did you wish to confess your sins to me and atone? All you have to do is say yes, Deputy.”

Rook’s hands clenched so tightly against her forearms that she was sure her nails had broken the skin. “Please John, not today,” she muttered from between her knees.

“What was that, my dear? Speak up.” He sounded so utterly delighted, like it was Christmas come early… Like it was a game, and he’d just won. 

With a shuddering breath, Rook lifted her head to meet his gaze, noting the way that infuriating smirk of his slipped right off his face when he took her in. She could only imagine how she looked. Dirty, covered in blood with tears and snot dripping down her face. A real hero she must have looked. She wasn’t surprised when John visibly flinched away from her like she’d struck him. 

“I’m asking you, _please_ , not today. Tomorrow you can hunt me down, kidnap me and torture me to your hearts content and we can go back to being at each other’s throats, but I can’t _fucking_ do this right now. I just need one day, one day where I’m not expected to _be_ anything for anyone, where I don’t have to _fight_. Or you know what, if you can’t do that then please, do us both a favour and just end it, because I-I can’t, not anymore.”

John gaped at her like a fish, utterly speechless for the first time since she’d known him. Rook just let her head fall back between her legs and closed her eyes. Let him do what he wanted, hell, maybe she deserved it.

“Deputy?” his voice was oddly strained as he approached her cautiously, like she was some wounded animal about to lash out.

She ignored him. She’d meant what she’d said, she wouldn’t fight him, not today.

“Rook, look at me,” he said, his voice insistent and almost _pleading_. Rook barely flinched when she felt his fingers curl around her arm for a brief second before he pulled away with a hiss. “Fuck, Rook! You’re freezing! How long have you been out here?”

Rook shrugged, “I don’t know.”

She heard a rustle of moving fabric before she felt the weight of something heavy and warm drape over her shoulders. The scent of citrus, smoke and pine invaded her nose, and she realised that warmth was John’s coat. Instinctively she clutched as the soft fabric, pulling it tightly around herself. It _was_ warm, if nothing else.

His hand fell on her shoulder, squeezing a touch too tight for comfort. “Eleanor, will you please look at me!”

Rook shouldn’t have been as surprised as she was to find out that he knew her first name. Know thy enemy and all that shit. Sensing that he wouldn’t leave her alone until she obeyed Rook complied, fixing him with a dead stare.

His face pinched in a frown as he studied her, no doubt disgusted by the state she was in. She was a little surprised then, when his other hand came to rest on her chin, tilting her head this way and that as his ridiculously blue eyes flitted across her face, noting every scratch, every bruise as they went. “When was the last time you slept, my dear? Or ate for that matter?”

If Rook didn’t know better, she’d be tempted to think it was genuine concern that coloured his tone. But Rook did know better, this was John Seed, as an ex lawyer he was well versed in finding a weakness and exploiting it. She might be exhausted, but she wasn’t going to give the Seeds any more ammunition to use against her. “Does it matter?”

His eyes widened in momentary shock before they narrowed into a piercing stare. “Does it matt- yes it fucking well matters!” he snapped, like she was being the unreasonable one. 

“Why?” she hissed through her tears. “Why the fuck do you care? Weren’t you the one who told me my efforts were absolutely and unquestionably worthless? Well you were right, I can’t fight you, I can’t _win_. So, tell me, John, if all I am is the Deputy, and I can’t even do that right, _what good am I_?” Her body shook as she dissolved into agonizing sobs, every pain and trauma from the last few months that she’d shoved deep down being ripped from her and spilled for her enemy to bear witness. 

Oh, how the mighty fall. 

“My darling Eleanor,” John murmured, dropping to his knees before her, uncaring of the mud and blood that surrounded them both. Rook almost flinched herself when she felt his arms wrap tightly around her as he pulled her against his chest. Rook didn’t have the strength to struggle against him, instead curling into the embrace, the only comfort she had left. “You were never going to win, you see that don’t you? Your so-called _friends_ in the resistance have lied to you, manipulated you into fighting when you had no purpose being a soldier.” He ran a soothing hand through her curls as she sobbed harder, clutching desperately at his coat. His words were so soft, even as they tore the last shreds of her apart. “They have been so cruel to you, my dear. You were nothing but cannon fodder to them, a puppet to fight their battles while they selfishly cower away in safety. Look how they’ve treated their hero,” he scoffed, his voice turning hard and unforgiving.

“Stop, please,” Rook begged, utterly broken. 

John’s lips pressed against her temple, “Shh, my dear. It’s over now. You can stop fighting.” 

Rook heard the tell-tale sound of a gun cocking from a few feet in front of them. She glanced up to find one of his peggy guards aiming his pistol at her heart. John had made his choice, it seemed.

So be it.

Rook let her eyes flutter shut.  “Thank you,” she whispered. Who knew the Baptist could show mercy? 

John hummed softly, his tattooed hand reaching over to caress her cheek. “It’s time to come home, my dear. Your family has waited long enough.”

 _Elizabeth._ In spite of it all, Rook smiled. She felt John nod once to his soldier, giving him the go ahead. 

She heard the shot a split second before a searing pain spread across her chest. With a jolt she realised that something was wrong, that the pain was _wrong_. As the blackness consumed her, she felt John tilt her head back against his shoulder, his lips pressing once more against her cheek, then the corner of her lips.

“We’ll look after you, darling. _I_ will look after you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys like it? Let me know with some kudos or comments :)


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